About Patty: Patty Grady has been a Giving Voice Foundation volunteer since the very first Brains in Bloom program and now serves with Creative Connections, where she continues to build connection, joy, and belonging for individuals living with dementia and their care partners every week.

As a kid, my grandmother had what we called back then “hardening of the arteries.” Looking back, it was probably dementia. She’d say she couldn’t find her purse, and we’d discover it in the refrigerator.

When my grandfather had surgery, Grandma came to stay with us. I remember that I became the go-getter. If she headed upstairs, I’d gently redirect her because there wasn’t a bathroom upstairs like she’d been used to before. If she walked out the front door, my mom would tell me to follow her. Sometimes I’d lose sight of her for a minute and panic. More often than not, one of our neighbors had already welcomed her into their house, poured her a cup of tea, and called my mom to let her know she was safe. That was the kind of neighborhood we lived in.

It’s also the kind of neighborhood I live in now. One of my neighbors had Alzheimer’s, and the whole street watched out for her. When I walk out my front door, nine times out of ten somebody is saying hello or goodbye. There’s always a conversation happening.

Decades later, my own mom developed Alzheimer’s disease. I eventually had to make the hardest decision of my life and place her in a nursing home. I had no help from my family. A neighbor told me about a service at Jewish Hospital, and after some cognitive testing they admitted her. I wasn’t prepared when I realized she was on the psychiatric floor. I remember standing at those heavy steel doors to leave. I pushed the bar, walked out, and just started crying.

Before all of that happened, though, I had asked my mom, “If something happens to you and I have to take you somewhere…where do you want to go?” I’m grateful we had that conversation.

I started at the very first Brains in Bloom and eventually began volunteering with Creative Connections. Creative Connections gives both people a chance to breathe. The caregiver gets a little time to recharge, and the person living with dementia gets to laugh, sing, move, create, and simply be themselves for a while.

There are several of us volunteers who’ve been there from the beginning at West Chester and others at Knox. We’ve worked together so long that we can simply look at one another and know where we’re needed. It’s really cool.

This feels like family. And maybe this sounds selfish, but it’s good for me too. It gives me another reason to get up and get going. I always look forward to Giving Voice programs. I’m forever grateful that I found this.

I think part of the reason it means so much to me is because I’ve always noticed people. I notice expressions and when someone needs help or is hurting. People call it a blessing. Sometimes I call it a curse because I can literally feel the pain of what someone else is feeling.

Most importantly though, it’s the love. The love I receive from the other volunteers, the caregivers, and the people who sit in the room with me. A lot of the volunteers at Giving Voice make me feel like a better person, just for knowing them.

When my mom had Alzheimer’s, there wasn’t anything like this. There were locks, alarms, and ankle bracelets so elevator doors wouldn’t open.

Today there is music. There is movement. There is laughter. There is connection. There is dignity. And there are still hard moments. There are people who don’t come back, and sometimes I cry all the way home. There are also people who return after being gone for a while, and I cry then too because I’m so happy to see them. Happy tears and sad tears can look so much alike.

But the happy moments far outweigh the sad ones. I’m happy I’m here. This is where I need to be. This is what I need to be doing.

One thing I wish more caregivers understood is as much as caregivers need a break, the person living with Alzheimer’s needs one too. They can feel when their caregiver is exhausted. Creative Connections gives everybody a break each week. And that’s why Giving Voice means so much to me and to so many.

Did this story remind you of one of your own?

Whether you’re living with dementia, supporting someone you love, working alongside families, or carrying a memory that matters, we’d be honored to hear it.