About Mary: Mary Duennes is a retired nurse and longtime Giving Voice Foundation volunteer who has been part of the movement component of Creative Connections since its early days. Her professional and personal interests in holistic health, Healing Touch, movement, and self-care have shaped her belief in caring for the whole person. Through her years alongside individuals living with dementia and their care partners, Mary has seen the power of music, movement, patience, flexibility, and simply being present. She continues to volunteer with Creative Connections, helping create a welcoming, no-judgment space where people can participate exactly as they are.

Throughout my life, I’ve found joy in helping people. I’m a retired nurse, and much of my career was spent working in the community and visiting people in their homes. Over the years, I also became interested in holistic approaches to health and healing – things like Healing Touch, movement, acupressure and other ways we can care for ourselves and manage stress.

I love helping people learn about self-care, but I’ve also learned that helping someone doesn’t always require doing something. Sometimes it is simply being there. I call it a “ministry of presence.”

Music can do that. I’ve seen over and over that music reaches a part of us that other things can’t. Someone may not remember their name, but start singing “Yellow Submarine,” and suddenly they’re singing right along with you. There is a connection in that moment that doesn’t depend on remembering a name.

My role during Creative Connections is to be with the participants through music and movement while their care partners have time to step away and be together in their support group. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot just from watching the relationships between a person living with dementia and the person caring for them.

Caregiving is challenging. Care partners are constantly trying to figure out what else they can do, what they might do differently, and how they can continue engaging the person they love. Creative Connections gives them a place where they can be with other people who understand those questions. They learn that they aren’t alone and that there are people, resources, and support around them.

Meanwhile, we get to keep finding ways for the person they love to connect and participate. That takes patience and flexibility because every day is different.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is to go with whatever works. You may have an idea for where something is going, and then you need to be willing to change direction completely. Be adaptable. When it is safe to do so, give the person choices. Pay attention to what is working today rather than expecting something to work simply because it worked yesterday.

You can’t always live in the past because the person may not remember it in the same way you do. You have to be present in the moment and keep asking yourself: What works right now? What brings a smile? What helps this person feel comfortable, included, and successful? Then you go with that.

I was away from Creative Connections for a while because I needed surgery, and I really missed volunteering. When I was able to return, I was so happy to be back. I had missed the people. There is something very special about seeing people care for one another week after week. It would be great to see more of that in our world. I’m also encouraged by how many young people I see getting involved and learning how to be alongside individuals living with dementia.
People need to know that there are people who care. They also need to understand how great the need is. I would encourage anyone who hasn’t heard about Giving Voice Foundation to learn about the work and, if they can, make a donation. I know those dollars will be put to good use because I see what happens in these rooms every week.

Families need support that helps them continue living their lives, stay connected, pursue creative endeavors, and keep their loved ones at home for as long as possible when that is right for them. There is always something more we can try, another way we can support someone, another way we can help a family know they aren’t doing this alone.

After all my years in nursing, holistic health, and volunteering, I keep coming back to something very simple: be patient, be adaptable, and meet people where they are. And sometimes, instead of trying so hard to figure out what to do, remember the value of simply being there. That ministry of presence can be a gift all its own.

Did this story remind you of one of your own?

Whether you’re living with dementia, supporting someone you love, working alongside families, or carrying a memory that matters, we’d be honored to hear it.